


Five Times Hero Sex Didn't Happen

by mmmdraco



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Cosplay, Enemas, F/F, Food Sex, M/M, Sexual Humor, Squick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 15:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times for five pairings where sex just wasn't sexy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Hero Sex Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Tiger & Bunny Anon Meme](http://t-and-b-anon.dreamwidth.org/4163.html?thread=6734915#cmt6734915).
> 
> Also, my 500th posted work to AO3. XD

Yuri blinked at the outfit that Keith was wearing. "No."

"I figured it out. Every time someone mentions Mr. Legend, you freeze up. Most people wouldn't notice, but I did. So, I'll wear this when we have sex tonight so that you need not desire him any longer."

Twitching, Yuri turned away from Keith. "Go take that off. You look like a moron."

"But, sex-"

"I don't think I'm going to want sex for a _very_ long time." Yuri clenched his fist and put all of his energy into not setting Keith on fire.

* * *

Pao Lin licked her lips. "This is going to be so good," she said as she pushed Karina's knees wider. 

Karina eased herself up onto her elbows. "What is- Oh my god! You are not putting that into-" She screamed and reached down to pull out the hot chorizo sausage that Pao Lin had shoved into her. "It's burning!" She fanned her vagina for a moment while she looked around for a towel, a discarded shirt, enough sheet to grab hold of... Nothing was within reach. She winced and put her fingers against herself and activated her NEXT powers. A moment later, she had incredibly embarassing relief.

"I guess maybe a regular sausage would have been better? But I like to eat the hot ones..." Pao Lin trailed off at the look Karina was giving her.

"I have an icicle in me right now because of you. It is _frozen_ to me!"

"Should... Should I lick that?"

* * *

"It's in my ass," Ivan said as he squirmed on the bed.

"Well, I can't help it!" Edward stroked a hand down Ivan's leg. "It's _sand_. It gets everywhere."

"But it's in my ass! That won't feel good for either of us." Ivan pushed Edward away with one foot. "Next time, let's do it some place where you haven't used your powers."

Edward scratched at the back of his head. "That doesn't leave anywhere at my place."

"Huh?" Ivan groaned. "Maybe... Maybe I should be on top then?"

Clapping his hands together, Edward said, "What if I get a really good vaccuum? Or hire a cleaning lady?"

"This is our sex talk," Ivan said with a sigh. "And I wanted to talk about trying shibari tonight."

"Damn this sand!"

* * *

"I don't think I can help with that," Antonio said as Nathan held up an enema kit with a smile.

"But it's fun!" Nathan moved his hips to some unheard rhythm. "And then I'll be nice and clean for you to do whatever you want to me."

"But I thought you wanted _my_ ass?" Antonio turned his butt toward Nathan. "You're always grabbing it and poking it. I thought you wanted me to-"

"A delicate flower like me... Top?" Nathan shook one finger. "I want to dig my fingers into your ass as you rid me of all of my maidenly virtue."

"I don't think I can do that." Antonio looked at the long hose and shook his head. "I'm not ready."

Nathan sighed. "But I-" He watched as Antonio ran from the room. "Did he just make a Cutie Escape? Damn!"

* * *

"No."

"But this is the thing I wanted!" Kotetsu looked at Barnaby and smiled. "You said anything was fine for my birthday, and this is what I came up with."

"No."

"You're only wearing it. I promise I'll clean you up!"

"No."

"Just a little!"

"No."

Kotetsu held up the jar on mayonnaise. "Just one little dab wherever you want it and I'll lick it off. Please?"

Barnaby shook his head. "I'm going to be sick." He ran off toward the bathroom.

Holding the jar up, Kotetsu frowned. "I guess you're going back in the fridge for now." He glanced back toward the bathroom as he heard Barnaby retch. "Maybe it's because it's cold?" He heard the retching again. "Maybe some other time. I don't think I want birthday sex after he's been puking."


End file.
